i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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