I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
