he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize