summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
