I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
