she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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