Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
