She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
