Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
