I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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