Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
