Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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