I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
