K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
