I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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