You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
