I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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