What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize