If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize