What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
