there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
operation have a gay friend backfired
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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