HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
