Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
your room smells of hookers.
And success
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
