Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
