last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
