Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
