I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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