You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
