Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
