he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
