Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
