This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
