We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
