I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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