Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize