I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
