i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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