We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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