He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
