you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
