I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
