I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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