would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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