I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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