would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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