when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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