Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
birth control should be required to get into college
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
