just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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