1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize