Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize