so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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