My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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