i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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