i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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