I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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