just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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