I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
