HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
