Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
