so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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