I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
