I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
