one two three fourrrrnication!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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