You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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