To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize