she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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