Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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