Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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