Just cropdusted the office
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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