So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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