Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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