Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
