dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
