I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
