just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
