she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
