u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize