you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
