you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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