Where are you?
In a non slutty way
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
