I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
