They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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