Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
