Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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