awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
