Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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