3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
