i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
