Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
