My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
